Too Late to Turn Back
by mifuyu
Summary: Spanner met the one person he could connect to, but he lost all contact with him when they entered University. Fate made them meet again. Spanner-centric, pre-Future Arc


**Disclaimer**: Don't own katekyo…

**Pairing**: one-sided Spanner/Shouichi, Byakuran/Shouichi, slight Spanner/Byakuran?

**Genre**: Angst

**Summary**: Spanner met the one person he could connect to, but he lost all contact with him when they entered University. Fate made them meet again. Spanner-centric, pre-Future Arc

**A/N**: For UnwrittenWishes. Companion fic to "Too Late to Go Back," although you don't have to read that one to understand this one.

Too Late to Turn Back

Spanner first met him at the robotic competition. Couldn't keep his eyes off the redhead throughout the whole preliminaries, and he couldn't wait _(hurry up, can't you _see_ that my Mosca is better than whatever she made?)_, couldn't wait until he gets to go against that redhead with that interestingly designed robot _(how is it powered, what else can it do)_. He saw the same excitement _(finally) _mirrored in Irie's eyes when it was announced that they would be competing against each other in the Final Round.

They formed a bond at that moment, and it didn't matter anymore who won first and who won second; all that mattered was that there was someone _just like him_. There was someone else in this vast world who shared the same passion towards mechanics, towards _knowledge_. And he was impressed by the intelligence the boy shown during their short meeting. He made sure to ask for Irie's contact details when they left the stadium where the competition was held. And when Irie left, he could say that Irie Shouichi was probably his first and closest friend.

Shouichi mentioned a colleague he met in University and inventing a game with him, but he never went into any more detail. Every mention of that unknown man sent a jolt of pain through him. Spanner could see himself getting uglier and uglier each time _(no, no)_, a vile knife of darkness and pain _(stop, stop)_ twisting its way and lodging itself firmly in his chest every time Shouichi mentioned that man. _(The feeling must stop. Stop stop stop.)_

Then suddenly, halfway through their second year in University (granted, they were in separate continents), Shouichi disappeared. Sent a short email _("I'm sorry")_, and never replied any of Spanner's emails. And just like that, he lost all his ties with Shouichi. It was after Shouichi disappeared that he could finally name that feeling.

When did it start? He doesn't know. It must have been Shouichi's passion for mechanics that first drew him in. His intelligence, too, pulled him further. Then what? Shouichi's looks? The way his tongue would stick out when he develops a new program? The way he would scrunch his face up in pain from nervousness? The way he would smile when, finally, his project is finished?

Spanner should have just stuck with his robots.

-x-

He went back to his machines, his robots. He met new people, worked with them, but they never became friends. Not like the way his relationship with Shouichi is. _ Was._

No one understood him the way Shouichi did.

He was alone in the world.

-x-

It must have been fate, then, when he walked down the streets of Italy and saw a group of men all wearing various versions of the same white uniform. In the centre of the group were a redhead and a white-haired male.

He froze.

It was until the group had left that he became aware of his surroundings.

"Hey… those people… they're from the Millefiore Corporation, right?"

"It is; I recognize their white uniforms. I hear it's actually a mafia group, but there's no evidence proving it…"

He glanced at the gossiping women before he left the scene.

Mafia…

…Millefiore.

-x-

"You do know you are applying for a position in a mafia, right?" The blond gently swirled the contents in the wine glass, eyes focused on the dark liquid as it moved.

He shrugged. It didn't matter, really, what organization he became a part of. There were only a couple of things he really cared for, one of them his research that he spent most of his life on. The other was…

"I need funding." He already had the blueprints for his masterpiece; all he needed was the money to fund it. He was a mechanic. But without the equipment and money, there was nothing he could do.

The blond smirked, obviously amused. "Show me what you can do."

And he did. He shared his ideas on what his King Mosca would be capable of doing. He showed the blond the blueprints, the formulae that would make up the programs.

"Very well." The blond cut him off mid-sentence, placed the wine glass on the table and stood, hand raised. "Welcome to Black Spell. I am Gamma, Captain of the Third Squad."

He should have expected it. There was only one person who would be willing to listen to him, hear his thoughts. And this person in front of him was not it. He only wanted someone who can understand him, communicate with him; someone with equal or higher intelligence whom he could share thoughts and ideas, research and develop programs.

Maybe this was the real reason why he wanted to become a part of the mafia.

He shook Gamma's hand, "Spanner. Call me Spanner."

-x-

It was chance that he bumped into the redhead. And just like old times, he raised his hand in greeting.

"Yo, Shouichi."

And for a split second, he thought he saw fear behind those glasses. In the next moment it was gone, replaced by happiness at seeing an old friend (in his eyes, though, it looked completely fake).

"Spanner! I didn't expect to see you here." The redhead glanced quickly behind him, as though waiting for something to happen. Footsteps sounded in the empty hallway (_it's rarely this quiet_), and two identical females stopped behind Shouichi, two steps away on either side.

"Irie-sama, the Boss is expecting your arrival." Shouichi glanced at the female who spoke, and then turned back to him.

"Spanner, I'll catch up with you afterwards, is that okay?" He shrugged. _Act normal. This is merely a casual meeting between two friends who hasn't met for years._ "Where is your working area?"

"B building, fifteenth floor," he told Shouichi, "seventh door from the left." He did notice the expression that crossed Shouichi's face when he mentioned B building, but he couldn't place a name to it.

B building.

_Black Spell. _

"Right. I've got to go, I'll talk to you later, Spanner." Before he could reply, the redhead had already turned the corner.

"What are you hiding from me… Shouichi?"

-x-

He never would have thought the Boss would personally come and see him, a new recruit, so soon after joining the Family. A week after bumping into Shouichi, a white haired man visited him. Up close, Spanner could tell how people would think the man as attractive.

Byakuran Gesso, the man was called. One of the bosses of the Millefiore Family.

He knew of the relationship between Shouichi and Byakuran. He's heard the rumours. He's seen them together _(he wasn't trying to stalk them, and Shouichi never noticed)_. And he wanted to tell himself that it isn't true; that Shouichi doesn't visit the Boss's living quarters during the night and leave in the morning before everyone else was awake, that they don't grope each other in the shadows of hallways, that Shouichi doesn't stare longingly after Byakuran as he tended to other matters.

"Sho-chan is mine." _In heart, body and soul._

And it hurts.

It hurts because he knows that it's true.

-x-

A month into his new job, and he already has access to the multiple facilities and technology to advance his research and development in King Mosca. He knew that being in Millefiore will be beneficial to his career, his passion, in mechanical engineering.

But he also knew that something was wrong. That one time Shouichi dropped by to reminiscence the old times and Spanner took out the alcohol. He could tell Shouichi didn't want him here, in Millefiore. It was apparent in his eyes and body language. Maybe he was nervous, but Shouichi wasn't paying attention to the amount of alcohol he's having. One drink too many, and Shouichi broke down, collapsed into a small heap on the floor, sobbed for forgiveness and– _(not from Spanner, never from Spanner)_–, cried out for the one man Shouichi only ever truly–

Shouichi never touched the alcohol again.

-x-

"I want to know what it is about you that is making Shouichi stay." And it is apparent the only reason Shouichi stayed in Millefiore, despite the limitations that is placed only on Shouichi of the Funeral Wreaths, was Byakuran Gesso.

He knew that there was something going on between Shouichi and Byakuran, by how Shouichi sometimes tried to distance himself from Byakuran, but Byakuran always a step behind and pulling Shouichi back. He could see how relieved Shouichi was whenever Byakuran chased after him, brought him back from wherever he went.

But there was also something terribly, terribly wrong in their relationship, he _just doesn't know what_.

Byakuran grinned.

And he knew, then, that it was too late to turn back.

End

**Edit:** I feel like I'm digging myself a non-stop cycle. I'm proofreading this, and I just thought of a really nice line I want to add but none of my scenes fit in… and suddenly I have ideas for _another_ fanfic that would relate to this one and "Too Late to Go Back". I should probably name this the "Too Late" series. Maybe a nice preview would be good? We now have something from Shouichi's side, Spanner's side… Guess whose view we have yet to explore? Let's see how many years it'll take for me to write that one…

For some reason, this took me 4 years to write. I have been writing relatively lot more angst than when I first started writing fanfiction, and basically I write in the genre that I am feeling the most emotional in. In this case, writing angst helps me de-stress. Saying that, I enjoyed writing several scenes in here, and I think it turned out as good as I can make it. There is still room for improvement, but this fanfiction represents my writing style at this moment.

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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